Uh!! I’ve literally been in bed for 6 days with 102 fever. Full-blown body aches, shivers, sweats, headache, worst-stomachache of my life, dizziness, faintness, and complete lethargy. I thought for sure I had the flu, but yesterday when I still didn’t feel the slightest bit better, I decided to go the doctor. The worst pain of all was my stomach. But it wasn’t necessarily a puking kind of pain. I wasn’t throwing up. In fact, my stomach wasn’t doing much of anything (that was the problem). I could barely stand up straight or even inhale. It was (and still is) that bad.
So I get an x-ray of my stomach, a pee test (yay!), blood test, and all the works. I was certain it was something like an ulcer mixed with the flu. But no. It was, as the doctor put it, “a rather severe urinary tract infection”. So…all of my flu-like symptoms were from a bladder infection!!? (Should I be embarrassed for telling that to the world? Because, sadly, I’m not.) I find the whole fever / bladder combination quite strange, but it does make some sense. The infection caused a fever and the fever led me to believe I had the flu. Ta da!
So now I’m taking antibiotics, and I should be better in 5 days. It’s been one day so far, and I feel maybe 10% better, which means I can see straight, and I can type, but that’s about it. I mean, if I stood up and you lightly tapped me on the shoulder, I’d mostly likely topple over. I have no strength whatsoever. Oh, and the most interesting part: I’ve NEVER been so insatiably thirsty. I could drink a bath tub of ice water and still want more. Interesting how that must be the body’s reaction to a bad bladder infection? Was my body trying to tell me to drink more? That’s very nice of my body to do such a thing.
I had no idea a bladder infection (gone untreated) could be so brutal. This is literally the worst I’ve ever felt in my life…partly because it’s been 6 days and partly because I feel like complete shitballs. I think it goes without saying that the rest of my life has continued to move on, and I am wayyyyyyyyyyy behind on everything (bills?!?!?!?!?). I don’t like feeling left behind. As a kid, I’d go to school even if I was sick because I hated make-up work or missing something important. I kind of feel that way right now.
I think it also goes without saying that I’ve done a lot of nothing lately. I’ve mostly slept, whined, sweat, and changed channels. I also flipped through some old books I had lying around. In fact this morning I was perusing Sabrina Ward Harrison’s Messy Thrilling Life. I’ve had the book for a few years, and I’d looked at every page a hundred times before, but this time around was quite different. I related to her writing in a particularly intense and almost eerie way. The place she was at when she made the book and where I am now in my life are very much identical. For me, that life stage is known as “I’m 27. What the HELL am I doing?” Anyway, here’s a little snippet from the book that’s quite fitting.
the first thirty-four things on my mind today. keep up. keep up. improve. more. better. faster. there is the gym. and pilates. and a studio to pay for. and more and more paper. and ink piling up. and the memory of Jenny to hold. and Susan to visit. and a home to pick up. and sex to be had. and an office. that needs a system to keep it intact. and money to keep making. to keep it all “happening”. and paintings to be making. and notes of landscapes and horses. and photos to print. and negatives to file. and jeans to fit into. and a city to move away from. and a new beginning all over again. and the bachelor to watch. and car insurance to get. and medicine to refill. and a relationship to care for. and old friends to write to. and a sister to love. and 3 weddings to go to. and a future to plan. and a story to tell my grandparents. and a cheaper cell phone service. and an ex-love to forget. and a bookkeeper to find. a therapist to meet. and horses to find. and printer ink. to refill.
